Top 5 TV Shows of 2009 : Exclusive Preview
- Hoverdale (ITV1) The everyday tale of simple farming folk who happen to inhabit a Yorkshire village mysteriously levitating 14 metres (or 213.9 ‘hands’, if measuring in horse units) above the surrounding countryside. Starring Patsy Kensit as Portia Harpy, the femme fatale businesswoman whose icy cold heart is matched only by her eternally frozen facial expression. This year’s ‘Lost’, according to a press release sent via morse code by a pig.
- A Touch of Bossk (ITV2)
David Jason makes a final return to the role of the curmudgeonly, curry-lovin’, wookie-hatin’ Trandoshan bounty hunter, with shocks a-plenty on the cards for long-time viewers, as the reptilian sleuth takes on his toughest case yet, bringing him into direct confrontation with his arch-nemesis Boba Fett (played by Patsy Kensit). - Ice Whores (ITV1) Simon Cowell’s latest brainchild sees plucky hookers make their way through an arduous 4 month public audition process in order to be sent careening down a ski jump whilst fellating a selection of sex-shame D-list celebrities. Those bringing their partners to climax before the bottom of the ramp are winched to safety via a bondage bungee attached to an overhead sexcopter, with the remainder zooming helplessly into a 3000ft blazing tower of Mail on Sundays filled with angry letters of complaint. Presented by Patsy Kensit.
- At Home with Michael and Drew (ITV4+2 (only in Scotland)) Heartwarming fly-on-the-wall series in the ‘Jordan and Peter’ mould, this time following the ups and downs of 2008′s most surprising celebrity romance between Michael and Drew Barrymore. This week, the pair convert to Celebrity Buddhism, and go shopping for a Dalai Lama-shaped swimming pool.
- Late Night Hoveroaks (T4+1) Same as 1), except set in a Manchester satellite town populated by naked, hovering airhead teens and on after the news. Guest starring Patsy Kensit. Set the video, pervert.
There are no comments yet, add one below.