Three and a half ways to get free 7-inch vinyl

Day #2 Fireworks

Day #2 Fireworks by .allieee

Steal from friends.

Do you have a friend who is an obssessive vinyl collector? Who proudly shows off their neatly filed, carefully alphabeticised, colour-coded, genre cross-referenced collection whenever you visit? Sure you do – so why not snafffle a couple of choice items while they’re in the bog on your next visit? This technique is also commonly referred to as ‘borrowing’, as in “Hey can I borrow this for a couple of weeks, I’ll do a copy and bring it back next time I’m round”, the reply to which is usually “Yeah, course you can, no problem”, accompanied by a heavy inner sigh coupled with the resignation that you will in fact never clap eyes on said item again before Satan gets his ice skates on.

Steal from Charity Shops.

Your local chazza shop is a goldmine of useless tat, hideous odours and potentially, priceless gems just waiting to be uncovered amongst the Hot Hits compilations from the seventies and copies of Now 4 (one record missing). Charity shop employees, with an average age of 98, are legendarily the most flat-footed pursuers of opportunist thieves on the high street, so help yourself to an armful of vinyl safe in the knowledge that your getaway needn’t break in to more than a casual saunter.

Actually, don’t do this, it’s really wrong and immoral and so on.

Offer sexual favours to record pressing plant production line employees.

Why faff around when you can feed your passion by going straight to the source for your fresh, hot vinyl? Probably, many employees of such establishments are male, so if you too are male, this may involve some temporary homosexuality. They won’t have a problem with this, as even at these far-flung reaches of the entertainment industry, it’s well known that most people do in fact tend to be quite fruity. If you have an issue with this, perhaps you should be looking for another hobby. What’s the problem, huh? Don’t like gays or something? Some kind of queer-bashing hate-mongerer? That’s it, I’m calling the police.

Bonus Tip: Microwaves are friendly!

If ever I want to shrink something, I put in the microwave. This is ideal for all those 12 inch albums you may own that were full of filler tracks – just pop it in for 267 seconds, Gas Mark 99 and Defrost, your back catalogue of tedium is reduced to just the singles, and that one with the cool bongo fill around 2:38.